Shifting Gears

Exploring Monrovia

It’s been an interesting past few weeks/months, whatever has passed since I last updated.

As per my last post, I moved to Monrovia. And I feel like a full fledged ex-pat these days. At first, I really resisted this idea, wanting to cling to and hold on to that integrated, I-understand-this-country-from-the-local-perspective way of thinking, but trying to balance the two worlds eventually became too much of a burden, so I decided to just run with my new life.

I am by no means a very social or involved ex-pat on the scene here, but I dabble from time to time. I’ve made a few friends and contacts who have gotten me out to explore the area and take advantage of the setting. Occasionally I’ll participate in the weekend, afro-pop nightlife or a dinner party with friends, and I attended a salsa event held by the Cuban Embassy last week—that’s about the extent of my socializing.

Learning to salsa dance in Liberia

Rainy season has fully set in here now, so the sunny days of months past are haunting me and filling me with guilt that I didn’t do enough beach or pool days while the time was right. Of course, the ocean is about 50 meters from my doorway, so I do still enjoy the sight and sound of it. However, I have very little desire to go sit on a shit-smelling beach (literally, people use the beach as a toilet here) to watch the rip tide waves (not safe for swimming) and possibly get mugged on the isolated stretch of sand swarming with rogues (local word for thieves) trying to take advantage of a foreign lady, alone and with her expensive phone and some cash on her.

Outside of trying to appreciate the setting I’m in, I have been working. In case you forgot, I manage the social media accounts for Peace Corps Liberia. I like to think that I’m the one responsible for sharing with the world the meaningful cultural exchanges and work that involves all 100+ of our Volunteers in the field. These endearing stories about creating family in the village, learning new ways of thinking and perceiving the world, and small work endeavors like tutoring neighbor kids or working one-on-one with a teacher are the core of Peace Corps as an organization and definitely not shared enough in my mind. Every Volunteer experiences so many of these memories, yet keeps them inside. I like to help get them out there for people to see and be inspired by.  

Each month I’ve had a different focus for the content—April: World Malaria Month, May: posts to help our incoming trainees prepare for their service, June: documenting the beginning of their time here. And now here I am with only a few weeks remaining of my time in Liberia (I fly out in early August).

One of my first photos from homestay

It’s been extremely thought-provoking being involved with the new trainees’ introduction to Liberia. I spent a lot of time reflecting on my own experiences and how my perspective has changed drastically. In their first few days of Pre-Service Training when I was around, documenting their activities to share on social media and reaffirm family/friends that they were safe and okay, they asked me an absurd amount of questions about Peace Corps, community-living, my experience, etc etc. It would’ve been impossible to not put myself into their shoes and vividly imagine my own first few days in Malawi, in Pre-Service Training, in Liberia, and in the many other countries I’ve visited since landing on this continent in 2014.

With my sisters & their friends

Living that mosquito net/backpacker life

I reflected on moving in with my family in Malawi who didn’t speak any English and how that felt on day one, the awkwardness, fear and apprehension that filled my mind… my first few times taking a bucket bath when I discovered frogs around my toes and freaked the fu*# out.. trying to aim into a pit latrine and avoid flies… learning the paths through the village and not getting lost… being pulled to late night dance circles with the village girls… journeying to the pump and the sense of accomplishment at carrying a bucket of water back on my head… making it through the long, hot days of endless training… eating ALL OF THE NSIMA… and the overall adjusting to a complete loss of control over your surroundings and the constant stress of learning and coping 24/7 (even when you’re trying to sleep and cockroaches and spiders crawling around on the plastic beneath your mattress on the floor wake you up).

Things really seemed to come full circle by undergoing this time with the trainees. As amazing as it is to experience many of those things for the first time, I’m so glad I am used to them now.  That phase of hyper growth and change that occurs during the first time of doing something is HARD.

Our sleepover

In the past two months, I also went back to my village for a weekend to visit everyone at the end of May. I stayed at my empty, old house which was a bit of a challenge in certain ways—think no water filter or large water storage barrel (because they’re at my place in Monrovia). It was lovely to be back and feel at home, to visit with of my neighbors and colleagues, to have people call out my Bassa name and squeal with excitement, to have interesting things to shoot with my camera again, to catch up with my village friends, and to feel a sense of community. I didn’t realize how much I miss that in my life in town.  

Squashed

My man!

My favorite parts of the weekend were having a sleepover at my house with Harris and Diamond (my neighbor kids), watching The Jungle Book on my laptop at my neighbor’s shop and an ever-increasing audience, eating my ma’s fufu, and wandering around the village taking photos and visiting with people all day on Saturday. Least favorite parts involved getting soaked on the back of a motorbike both going and coming, feeling overwhelmed at the lack of any privacy or alone time, and having about 6 inches of space to squeeze my body into on the packed car ride back (NEVER AGAIN will I go through the pain of my entire legs being numb for three hours, I will pay for two seats). Overall, it was a heartwarming weekend that reconnected me with my adventurous side and also reminded me of how appreciative I am to be in Monrovia for the remainder of my time here. If I recall correctly, I spent the entirety of the following Monday (which was a holiday thankfully) recovering from the weekend with sleeping and quiet time, enjoying electricity and internet, and cooking not-local food.

The biggest news that I’m currently sitting on is that in just over three weeks, my mom will be arriving here in Liberia! I don’t think she has divulged this secret to many people yet, so I hope she won’t be upset at me bursting her bubble. While we have been discussing her visiting me here since practically the beginning of my service last year, it was a decision that was up in the air as per my rocky experience and not being sure if I would last the entire year here. Once I moved to Monrovia and it seemed like that fear was behind us, she quickly booked a flight, and we began planning.

My ma cooking fufu

She is teaching a ‘Foodways’ class for her department in the fall and, upon learning more about the history of Liberia, saw an opportunity to gather field and background information for her class as a result of my being here. When she arrives, we will be traveling around (as much as we are able to anyway as rainy season means AWFUL travel and road conditions) and looking at food cultures and traditions. She is interested in learning about the origins of West African cooking and how this knowledge was brought to America with the slave trade, particularly in Southern America, and influenced Southern cooking.

For me, I have always been fascinated with preserving rural cooking traditions with the power of photography, so I am also up for the thrill of some muddy exploring to new parts to provide me with new content, locations, and knowledge to capture with my camera. My mom will fly out 4 days before I do, so I’ll have a few last days, alone, to really wrap my mind around the transition and moving on.

As for now, I’m beginning the search for my next adventure. It’s been a crazy 4+ years since I left for Malawi and began this wild journey that has taken me to some amazing places and taught me some beautiful lessons. It hasn’t been easy though, and I’ve been on a seemingly constant roller coaster of emotions the past two years trying to find my path to fulfillment and satisfaction. Sometimes having a deeper understanding of the world and your place (as arrogantly self-aware as that possibly sounds) is a curse. It’s like seeing the strings behind a puppet show and then realizing you have to tie yourself to them. I’m torn between breaking societal norms and branching off to do what makes me truly happy and this deep inner craving to have a more stable life where I can see my family more than once a year and actually be a part of my friends’ lives. But maybe there exists more overlap between the two than my mind can comprehend right now.

I imagine the next few years will be learning ones—with graduate school, experimental and hands-on jobs, and lots of being the beginner (which I detest but realize is necessary) involved. I’m not sure how exactly this will look to be complete honest, but I’m working on trying to create my own path within the context of society utilizing my diverse passions. Step by step, small small, things will happen.

Ps- I feel the need to really shout out to my amazing friends and family who have been my foundation the past few months. All the inner struggles combined with my need to externally process often creates a situation where I’ve depended on them to provide me with a fair amount of strength and perseverance. I couldn’t do it without them!