“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage”
I found this fortune cookie fortune (that must have escaped from the collection of inspiring ones I keep in my wallet) on the floor as I was
packing up my bags this afternoon and mentally preparing to leave Luderitz
tomorrow morning. This decision, like many of the decisions during my time in
Africa, came very last minute. And this fortune that I’d found absentmindedly
while I gathered my belongings seemed oh so relevant for this exact moment.
This morning I woke up thinking I would prepare to travel up
to Maltahohe, a rural decaying town that we’d visited last month, to train a
group of women on crocheting with plastic bags this coming week. Then, a few
trips to the bank and dramatic realizations of a lack of money on the part of
the guy I work for/with ruled this trip out of the question. Although I had
done some private fundraising for the trip, he couldn’t afford the risk of
missing out on business here in town to take a week long “work vacation.”
So what next?
I must have courage to do what I know I need to do. My mind
raced as he apologized to me and said that he guessed I should just be on my
way as there was no work left for me here at this time and considering my visa
expires in 8 days. Internally, my mind was on the move. I’d already bought my
plane ticket to Morocco from Cape Town for Oct 30th, I couldn’t stay
more than 7 days in South Africa once I crossed the border meaning I couldn’t
push up my trip down to South Africa, and I had no idea what I’d do or where
I’d stay for the next week.
Luckily, my experiences over the past 2.5 years living and
volunteering in Africa have thoroughly
prepared me for this exact type of incident. Previously, I would’ve freaked
out; now, I thought through my options, reached out to contacts (which I’m so
thankful that I have), and made a back up plan in about 20 minutes.
I spent the afternoon packing up all of my belongings—which
were more than I’d realized considering that I’d brought a bunch of junk back
with me from the states anticipating that I’d be here until Christmas. Regardless,
I proudly got all of my belongings that I wanted to continue to use for the
next 9 weeks into my 65-liter, big blue backpack and shoved the rest into a
black suitcase that I’d ship home.
Excitement flooded my body as I packed up. Although its been
a great experience here in Luderitz and in Namibia, this wasn’t exactly what
I’d had in mind for my COS trip from Peace Corps. I had wanted to wander, to
explore, to be a gypsy for a few months and satisfy my insatiable urge to see
and experience a handful of new places. What I had not expected was to find a
possible job opportunity/international commitment so soon after working my ass
off volunteering in Malawi and needing a REAL break from the serious side of
life. I wanted to party, to meet people, to admire nature, to learn new
languages, to get more stamps in my passport; not to settle down immediately after
such a draining yet amazing experience. What I needed then and what I still
need now is to process what I’ve gone through.
Constant travel over the next nine weeks won’t help me
accomplish that, I know. But I’m hoping that it will at least enable me to be
able to be calm and to be able to settle in a little bit when I do eventually
arrive home in the U.S.—right before Christmas FYI! The fortune will go with me
spiritually. My life will expand to new places and my courage will not fail me
now.
And for those of you who are wondering what my brilliant and
last minute plan is, I will still use the fundraised money for its intended
purpose. I will travel to Keetmanshoop where we trained our initial crochet
group in August. I will work with them over the next week and help them to
advance their skills and to motivate them. Then I will be on my way, with a
clear mind and a bit of closure for this project, to Cape Town where I will
catch a plane to where my heart has been calling me for so many years and to
where my next adventures lie—Morocco.